Essay代写：如何避免多余词句？_essay代写

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怎样防止不必要句子？

创作学术研究文章内容若能防止应用反复的句子，能使文章内容更简约，且非常容易阅读文章得多。下列的语句中，创作者应用的句子仍未提升信息，仅仅徒然提升篇幅。该如何修改，才可以让语句更精减强有力？

题型 Contest Sentence:

“By the end of the session, it was clear the speaker was a radical fanatic about neo-socialism and unlikely to cool down his ardor any time soon.”

恰当解释 Answer: We believe the best revision is… “By the end of the session, it was clear the speaker was fanatical about neo-socialism and unlikely to cool his ardor any time soon.”

This suggested revision reduces the word count to 24 from 27. It does so by addressing two sets of redundant phrases. One is “radical fanatic.” Every fanatic is, by definition, radical inasmuch as fanaticism is characterized by extreme enthusiasm and intense emotions. These are not middling conditions. They do not describe, in this case, a moderate neo-socialist. Therefore, by dropping “a radical” and turning the noun “fanatic” into the adjective “fanatical,” the sentence is slimmed and strengthened.

按照提议改动，解决2组不必要的句子后，语句的篇幅从 27 降至 24 个字。一个不必要的短语是 “radical fanatic”（激进派的狂热分子）。疯狂便是极端化的激情与明显的心态，沒有中庸思想，因此每一个狂热分子本来便是激进份子，在这里不容易有「柔和」的新社会主义社会。因而，删除 “a radical”，将专有名词 “fanatic” 改为修饰词 “fanatical”，能让语句更为简约强有力。

The sentence contains a second redundancy in the phrase “cool down.” The word “cool” originally referred to temperature, not social status. When temperatures drop, they cool. The direction of the change—down—is understood. By the same token , one does not “heat up” the water; heating it down is impossible. Therefore, it can be said the speaker was not expected to “cool his ardor.” Eliminating “down” not only reduces the word count, it raises the reader's regard for the writer.

第二个不必要的句子是 “cool down”，“cool” 这个字本来与地位不相干，只是表明溫度制冷，单 “cool” 一字就能主要表现溫度是降低的。同样，将水升温时不用说 “heat up” 而说 “heat”，由于加温不太可能还让溫度降低。因而，写出 “cool his ardor”（激情制冷）就可以了，删除 “down” 不但能降低篇幅，阅读者也更能看得出创作者的文采。

We get caught up in redundancies in our conversations and colloquial writing. That's because casual communication permits more emotional content. Academic writers are supposed to be disciplined in their formal expression. They are expected to avoid use of redundant clichés like “past experience” and such regrettable outbursts as “extraordinarily awesome.” While there always is a place for modifiers to clarify and emphasize, use of adjectives and adverbs should be carefully restricted—and never wasted on redundancies.

一般会话与英语口语创作通常充溢不必要的句子，由于轻轻松松的沟通交流含有较多沟通交流成份，创作学术研究文章内容则应当有机构、符合规定，不能用“past experience”（以往的工作经验）等陈腔赘词，还要防止不加思索的写成“extraordinarily awesome”（超赞）等槽糕的句子。即便可用修饰语理清或注重词意，仍应谨慎使用修饰词和介词，切忌让句子看起来冗赘。

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