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作为技术专业译员与编写，很多年来为许多英语非汉语人员改动与润饰文章内容，发现中国人从业英文写作常常犯的不正确，取决于掉入汉语的英语的语法圈套中、或者潜意识遭受汉语危害而应用不应该用的用语，导致词不达意而没法精准地用英文的句构逻辑性连结起来，但也很有可能仅是针对英语语法结构的不了解而致。
本次发布的新栏目期待能领着阅读者发觉常见的英文创作圈套，并防止将这种缪误带到文章内容之中。新栏目并不是在教育语法标准，只是明确提出一些见解，提成作者怎样提升英文写作风格与文本感染力。
As an editor and translator with years of experience in correcting English written by non-native speakers, I have come across certain areas that seem to be major pitfalls for Chinese speakers when writing in English. These mistakes are usually the writer's Chinese grammar or diction unconsciously coming out in their English exposition, or perhaps simply a unfamiliarity with English composition at its higher levels.
This monthly column can teach you to spot these common writing pitfalls and thus avoid having them find their way into your English composition. It will not be a list of grammar rules to follow, but instead a look into how we can improve the style and force of our English writing.
Common writing errors by non-native speakers of English #1: Wordiness
非英语汉语者普遍创作不正确之一：赘字(Wordiness)
Wordiness comes in my forms, but, generally in non-native writers of English, it occurs when they use too many words, belabor a point, or are simply redundant in their writing. Some examples:
就非英语汉语人员来讲，「赘字」常产生在应用过多的字汇、过多论述某一论点论据，亦或创作时用语冗杂而不必要。大家举些事例：
1，What is the government planning to do to prevent such a tragedy from happening again in the future?
政府部门现阶段有哪些整体规划能避免不幸在未来再次出现？
2，After two months of cleaning, Mary and Joe can finally live in a home that is safe and healthy for their bodies and minds.
历经2个月完全清理后，Mary和 Joe总算能够让她们的心灵成长住得既安全性又身心健康。
3，It is difficult to recognize which twin is which, as the two look extremely alike.
要从双胞胎宝宝中鉴别出谁是谁并非易事，由于她们两个看上去十分相似。
Often a good place to look for redundancy is at the end of a sentence. Do you end your sentences in a way that leaves your reader with a clear, concise image, or are you drowning out your point in excess verbal baggage?
检查文章内容句构是不是有冗词赘字，最好是的地区取决于句末处。当完毕语句时，您是简单明了的作结，還是扔下太多的言辞负担给阅读者呢？
Let’s take a look now at our examples. At first glance, it seems like there is nothing wrong with them. While that may be true grammatically, they all suffer from bloated endings, or wordiness.
让我们一起讨论一下所述的事例。乍看之下仿佛没什么不太对的地区，也许语法上没有错，但在句末处却都遭遇到冗赘又唠叨的创作不正确。
Take a moment and see how you would change the sentences…
花一点时间，看您怎样更改这种语句…
Welcome back. Let’s now take a look at our first sentence:
欢迎回来。如今就要大家检查第一个语句：
What is the government planning to do to prevent such a tragedy from happening again in the future?
政府部门现阶段有哪些整体规划能避免不幸在未来再次出现？
Here the obvious wordiness is found in the relationship between the phrases “happening again” and “in the future.” To “happen again” points to a date in the future; thus, we can say that “happening again” already has in it the assumption of an act “in the future.” Therefore we find that if we remove the redundant “in the future”, we get a sentence that is much more concise and vivid in its question to its readers:
这儿很显著地看得出「再次出现」与「在未来」两词的赘字情况。 「再次出现」喻指「在未来」的時间；因而，大家可以说「再次出现」早已是「在未来」的假设客观事实。因此，假如除掉不必要的「在未来」，大家就能为阅读者展现出更加简洁栩栩如生的文本：
What is the government planning to do to prevent such a tragedy from happening again?
政府部门现阶段有哪些整体规划能避免不幸在未来再次出现？
Now how about our second example? Again our culprit lies at the end of the sentence with the phrase “bodies and minds.” Here again, “bodies and minds” is best left unstated as readers will be able to fill in the blanks without our obvious and heavy handed prodding. They know that a home described as “safe and healthy” is safe and healthy with regard to the bodies and minds of those living within. Once again, the sentence can be strengthened by eliminating the final phrase:
那麼第二个事例呢？元凶一样是句末的「心灵成长」。 「心灵成长」最好是交给阅读者感受与想象的室内空间，并非有意再度注重。阅读者了解把家中描述为「安全性又身心健康」，必然是「心灵成长」都能「安全性又身心健康」。再一次证实，文章内容句构能通过清除句末赘字而展现精减又韵致的文本艺术美。
After two months of cleaning, Mary and Joe can finally live in a home that is safe and healthy.
历经2个月澈底清理后，Mary和 Joe总算能够让她们的心灵成长住得既安全性又身心健康。
Finally, we come to our last sentence. I believe that by now readers can guess where the problem is and how to fix it. So I’ll leave this one to you.
最终，大家赶到最终一句话。相信大家如今都能猜中存在的问题及其该如何解决。因而，就要我将这句话交给您改动吧！
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